Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
