im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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