So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
