he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
