On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
