i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
