cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
