If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize