lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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