dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
