i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
