My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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