I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
