Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Text me some of your sweat
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