I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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