Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
