nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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