i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
