where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
