You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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