my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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