When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
