The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
