he puts the penis in happiness.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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