All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
