OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have aggressive nipples.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
