some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
