theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are all done wearing pants today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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