I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
