I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
