i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
