we have officially lost it.
It's Friday. Sex?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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