so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
