why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
