Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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