Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
