I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
