I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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