he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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