It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
