looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
