I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
