I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
