We're facebook friends in real life
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
