No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
