Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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