Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
