Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
