Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
