You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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