My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
