He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize