Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
