fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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