I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
