i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
