Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
