Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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