We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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