shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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