Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
