i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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