on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Panties = found
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
