What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
