She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
