Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
