dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize