He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
