You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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