Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
