Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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