Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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