My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
