i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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