I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
