the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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