I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
