did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize