It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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